i am heartbroken, and it's all my fault. what the hell am i thinking ? i can't do this.. it isn't right or fair. this hurts so much. and i did it all myself. . . well, directly it is my doing, but you've had your part in it as well. you do not care about me, in the least anymore. how can you be so fucking thoughtless. . . there is a reason i don't call you, because i am the one here alone. and you should at least make an effort. but you just do not care enough. and please do not tell me, then you do call. when you do, it is a pointless, nothingness, you aren't even there when you are talking. how the fuck is that supposed to make me feel ?
can you blame me ? you do not understand what it's like, to be alone. because you never are alone. i really hoped that you would come here to see me. . . but that was all just false hope. and i knew that, before i even moved to this fucking city. i just knew it, because that's the way you are. i know how you feel, so do not fucking lie to me about it. . . do not tell me it's all in my head, because it isn't. i am exhausted, i am worn out, and you make no attempts to even contact me. what are you doing with your life. please, let me know. you have so much potential, and you are just sitting on your ass, doing nothing. nothing nothing nothing. i am so angry i can't think straight. because i have been drinking. ohh ladeedahh, sound familiar at all ?
i don't know what the fuck to think. i do not feel anything. and i'm trapped in a god damn head game. with someone that doesn't deserve it. i hate myself tonight. i just hate myself.
did i break my own heart ? i don't think i was the only one involved. how the fuck can you be like this . . . how can you stop caring. . . i don't know, but soon i will stop caring about anyone. how can someone do this to you . . . without trying at all, but just doing, and not giving a fuck about it . . .
nothing is the same. everything is different. i don't fucking like this change.
please stop lying to me
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