I never thought I'd walk away from you.
I did.
But it's a false sense of accomplishment.
Every time I quit...
fuck you. cause you did all this. you stopped this from working. and you started
something new, that's gotten way out of your hands.
you really are useless aren't you. and the only place you have to go is here,
where no one will understand who YOU actually is.
cause that's just how i work i guess. it's easier to curse myself, and pretend that
i'm talking about someone else.
i'm so mad with myself right now. i don't want to be here, tonight, or tomorrow.
maybe ever?
what the fuck is wrong with me?
i'm so messed up right now. i am in shock, and i'm confused, so fucking lost.
i've got an idea. that i will make my future. but i've gotta clear this head full
of doubt. i can't let it bother me. it's no worth it, if it causes this much worry
and stress. a huge fuck you to the both of you all the same. i don't need either of
you. but yet, i can't just stop thinking about you. is there any reason?
to keep fighting with myself? every night. it's the same garbage.
and i hate drugs, but i wanna be so fucked up right now. that i can't feel my head
smashing into the window. i want to be blind. just for a night. so i don't have
to see the mess i have created around myself.
why do you both deserve a fuck you? what have you done to me? i've done it all to
myself. it's all the paranoia. i need to be stuck in the corner somewhere, where
nothing important can get to me. where i can't get attached to anyone or anything.
maybe my life is just best left to go it alone. sure i'm lonely. but it's because
i am stuck. right now i am stuck. i have a responsibility. if i was here doing nothing,
i wouldn't feel lonely, or trapped.
but i must ask myself, why do i pour myself on the ground for someone else,
and then lose my mind when they don't respond in the same way?
why should i expect someone else to do the same, to show me who they really are,
just because i trust people so quickly? fuck. i wish for once i could just say no.
and stop being walked over. the ball needs to me in my court. or i need to find
a new playing field. because i am sick of being the bench warmer of life.
i get so confident, until i need to be. then it's all down hill, down the drain,
like it was never there. never to be found again.
you do that too me. you make me so excited, that i lose my mind when you're not
around.and no one needs somebody like that in their life.
fuck i just want to help you, and share all these things we've talked about.
BUT it's wrong. in every way of the word. i don't think we should be friends,
at all anymore. because i'm fucking up my head over you. i'm too attached to you,
and i know i'll just hurt you in the end. that's what i do best, let people down
and make them feel terrible. even though i give them my heart and soul.
NEVER GOOD ENOUGH.
i don't think i can stop right now. i wanna drive a car into a building. i wanna
burn down a church. i want to spray paint over a master piece. i want to break my
bones. i need to destroy something beautiful. i need to feel alive.
i am on over drive right now. it's not right. it's wrong.
just like you. this is wrong. i need to stop it now.
i need to leave, and never look back. and just go it alone from here on out.
it doesn't take much to get under my skin. and i want you out of my head.
tonight.it's over, as of tonight. so nice to know you and all, but this just isn't
fair for anyone involved. for anyone who isn't involved. for anyone ever ever ever.
sorry if this hurts, but it's better to get it out of the way now, while we still
can.
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