don't even wanna

they're all the same i guess,
men that is.
it's easy to lie to me. i hide my outrage and just plain rotted feeling pretty well.
i can't stop writing lately. i've got soo much inspiration since i've moved up here. and there are lots of interesting things going on here. it's true, the city never sleeps. i used to be the one that didn't let the city sleep. but this place has people moving around, constantly.
i don't want to be stressed out. i still haven't found a healthy way to get rid of the worry, and stress and bullshit going on inside and around me.
i feel ill. and i miss everyone in newfoundland, such an island girl. i'm tellin ya......!


i need a shower, i guess. and it's raining. maybe i'll just go dance in a puddle, and play in traffic!
fuck that makes me miss tori, even more. fuck! i miss when we'd slash around in puddles, and play in traffic.
we had a system down. the way we played if one of us got hit, the other would end up getting dragged behind the car. soo hardcore we were hahaha.
fearless of life itself, but terrified of spiders and birds.
such girls, such girls.
i miss you asshole.
♥

oh baby, baby it's a wild world.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=edE3cEhM0Mg

le sigh.
i knew what was going to happen today, i knew last night.
i had a mental breakdown. i lost it today. my head fell off, and my thoughts, worries, fears, hopes, dreams, everything that was locked up spilled across the floor.
i had to leave school.which i really did not want to do.
i'm not going into detail with what happened, or why it happened.
but i'm happy it did. it gave me a day to think about everything in my head.
get a better perspective on this wild world. i will concur you someday world.
i will see all of you, every last inch, i promise me and you that.

i'm thinking like a phoenix, i will crash and burn, and i will rise from the ashes.
better off for it too.
i've got a lot to figure out. baby steps. one foot in front of the other. i'm gonna slip, and fall, and get hurt. it will be worth it, when i can go to sleep at night, and not wake up hating myself.

self worth issues ?

confused, lost, alone, distraught ?
yes, no , maybe.
frustration will probably be the main focus of this entry.
actually i am so frustrated that i can't write anything right now, it will just cause more aggravation.

i wish i was in newfoundland right now, fucking hurricane 

hbdb

i'm feeling very loose headed. if that's away to say it. my mood is so different from one day prior. i don't know, it's a strange feeling. it's just, strange. i feel so happy, content, crazy good. is it because i've found someone i can talk to about just about everything, out of nowhere. i really can't describe it. i'm so tired, but so hyper at the same time. i'm a little nervous about tomorrow, but i'm excited to. i don't the girly thing, and when i do, it's with very close small group of people who know how to button it haha. but i'm going to have too look nice-ish tomorrow. i don't know if i can do that. fuck why am i being such a ramble monster. i am feeling great about what i accomplished tonight. two intense writings, out of nowhere. i was having such a dry spell.
:D
thank you birthday boy. hope it's a great one, you've become such an awesome friend.
p.s. i feel crazy.

cheers

wander lust

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jrIwrkA8ag

things are starting to look up, its awesome.
dealing with someone who only wants to show you the negatives, is a fucking buzzkill. yes, i get it. i understand. you've had to deal with shitty people, but you don't need to drag me down. i got a new makeup teacher today. i don't want to say anything bad about the last one, but everything she said i've known, for a long long time. working on and behind the stage gave me a wide eye for great people and the assholes. but having to hear about it for 3 days straight was brutal. i just wanted to get hammered and forget about it...
then justin came in, and the room felt 105 times lighter. people were smiling and i didn't want to smash my head off the wall. it wasn't her that was That bad, but being there made me feel like that.
so things are once again looking up. i've made some new friends and were spending tomorrow get to known eachother better with the help of alcohol ( ofcourse ) .
that's about all i've got today. i hate nose bleeds aswell.
i'm feeling alot better that i don't have to change who i am for this. because there is no fucking way i can change who i am for anyone else. spend too many years playing that game.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education   - mark twain

600 comments

not much to say, i'll update the world tomorrow.
i did not know i could do anything with hair besides dye jobs and spiking mohawks.
school is going great and it's only day three tomorrow.

 it really doesn't feel like work when your enjoying yourself.

thats all for now chumbs.

i love mitch, josee & brody, i also miss you guys a shitton.

cheers

school of makeup art

                                                                                                                                  
i want to live in the beer store down the street.
< can't wait to bring some of these bad boys home
<
<
<
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      today, i started class at the school of makeup art (soma) http://www.schoolofmakeupart.com/
it was only introduction day, so i met every one, got a brush kit and a locker. only there for a few hours, but the real fun starts tomorrow. excited as ballz, and feeling way less nervous about the strange faces and skyscrapers and millions of strarbucks'.

i walked down to the subway to make my way "home" saw EAST BOUND trains and hopped right on. then it sunk it, ahhh shit i live in the west end... luckily there are a billion stations with subways coming everything 3 mins. got off the east bound and jumped on the west. i didn't feel too much like an idiot cause everyone moves around so fast in there i don't say anyone notice.
feeling great about this jungle now that i've been out around on my own.
last night i went out with alona and her roomate to jack asters. fuckin place is tastey. double rum & coke, some calamari (squid) and a chicken tortilla. it was awesome.


that's all for now folks.

first day alone

this is my first day alone here in the concrete jungle. found a bar called sneaky dees, and figured out there was a show there last night... but i had alot of shit to tend to at 6am. blurrrrrrrr
starting at the school of makeup art ; special fx makeup, tomorrow. a little nervous, and excited, and too sober.
i hate feeling pressure, and being worried, makes me wanna vomit.! fukit. i'm here to get something going in my life for once, start the ball rollling.
i want it to be october already. sloane & rhyen are coming for halloween, and ethan's moving up here. it's gonna be an awesome time. i've got a few friends here, but i'm not doing too good at this public transit thing. i can get to school & back, made it to the beer store and walmart a few times already, but that's about it.
i don't know how i feel about this place yet, i've only been here a few days. it freaks me out a bit, all the people and all the moving. so fucking fast paced, walmart gives me major anxiety. that's strange though, because i've been at shows & concerts with hundreds even thousands of people and i'm completely fine. maybe it's the music and the crowd that get my energy going so hard that i can loose it and jump around, or just walk and feel awesome. who knows.
i'm off to find a park to read dharma punx in.

cheers too beers & many more years.

BUFFALO !